The Sky Is Still Falling
Over the past few months the Sky is Falling Laboratory has been questioned because of their “Sky is Falling” predictions. The alleged data that supports the allegations that the Sky will fall any day now is also being questioned. The original data that was used to inform us of the impending crisis was lost in an unfortunate “dog ate my lunch” incident. Other geniuses who were not affiliated with the Sky is Falling Laboratory offered to provide the data that they collected independently of the geniuses who were employed by the Sky is Falling Laboratory, however their data was tainted with supportable facts, and therefore was not acceptable. Only certified geniuses within the closely knit Sky is Falling Laboratory who have committed themselves to the full panic mode are qualified to determine which alleged facts can be used to support or refute their facts. They will not allow their findings to be confused with any facts other than their own.
The primary piece of equipment that they use to measure the temperature of the planet on a daily basis is the bottom of the kettle that Mommy uses to make their cup of tea in the morning. Once Mommy has poured them a nice cup of tea they touch the bottom of the kettle and if it’s hot, the planet is getting warm. Five hundred years ago when Mommy made the tea the bottom of the kettle was not as hot as it is today, therefore the sky will fall very soon. This will happen because we wear long pants, go out with girls and our dinner breaks wind before it becomes our dinner. The geniuses are so certain of the impending doom that they feel a certain frustration when the other 8 billion people in the world are reluctant to duck and cover when told to. They’re geniuses after all, if they can wet their pants over this alleged crisis, then we should start to wet our pants too.
Fortunately one of their most ardent supporters, is the former Vice President of the Sky is Falling Laboratory. The former VP has evaluated all of the data and all of the facts, even the already discredited data that the geniuses failed to destroy before someone who knew which way was up got a peek at the data. (Don’t you hate it when that happens?) The former Vice President agrees that a few minor errors were made and some revisions have to be accounted for, but the sky is still falling and shame on us for not wetting ourselves as soon as we were told to. He reminds us that they are geniuses and they know when to panic and how to panic.
So the bottom line here is that the Sky is Falling it will fall soon and we’re too stupid to accept that and should change our evil ways. Stop eating anything other than organic grass and some bugs, that’s a very natural diet. Stop using indoor plumbing, fertilize the fields like our barn yard friends, a cool breeze across your more private parts is a good thing. We can’t use electricity in any way ever again, that’s a major reason the sky is falling. And most of all clean up those impure thoughts. Your impure carnal thoughts are allowing the human race to thrive and grow. Those impure thoughts have caused you to chase down and impregnate someone or something and that overpopulation is another reason the sky will fall and hurt you. Clean it up and clean it up now. The geniuses have said so.
Vote The Bums Out,